𝟏𝟏 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧g
Updated: Jan 2, 2022
You are still thinking about the reaction of your friend when you didn't want to go to the party the other day.
Was she offended?
Will she invite you again?
Should you call her back and tell her that you changed your mind and go there to make her happy. She looked disappointed when you said no.
And your partner? How can you bring up that their behaviours did hurt you, even if you brushed it off?
If you say something it will make them feel bad, but at the same time, you feel uncomfortable with them. You are tucked between not wanting them to feel bad and feeling bad for yourself.
You don't have time to think about it right now.
Because you promised someone to help them with their move. They asked you, so they must trust you!
𝑰𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒇𝒕 𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌 𝒂𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒅. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒖𝒑 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒆, 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖?
That you are not a good friend.
That you are unreliable
That you don't care
There is a not-so-fine line between genuinely caring for others and the need to please them.
People-pleasing is a coping mechanism that activates when you NEED to be liked and accepted.
You do it when you put others' needs before yours because your happiness is based on their approval.
𝐈𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐬.
But you know that it sucks despite their approval.
Because every day you feel resentment.
"Why don't they take care of you as much as you take of them? "
"Why don't they show more gratitude for all your effort? "
"Are they taking advantage of your being nice?"
𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬, 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝟏𝟏 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞-𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠
✨become aware of when you are people-pleasing and ask yourself "do I really want to do this?"
✨work on your self-love and self-worth
✨spend time finding out about yourself, your needs and your desires
✨learn a new way to communicate and practice in a safe environment
✨decide your boundaries, see them as an act of self-love
✨realize that your voice is an important part of yourself
✨practice saying no with conviction
✨sit and explore your discomfort
✨get down from your pedestal: the world will continue moving on even if you don't help everyone for a day, it's not all about you
✨start small and celebrate any success
𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬.
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐨𝐚𝐥, 𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐢𝐭?