. . Some days are a pain in the centre of your chest Others your stomach will tense so much that you think to throw up Sometimes it's a headache like someone slapped you with all their might . All because you have been guilty of bringing to consciousness some aspects of yourself that needed healing and understanding. Aspects that you carefully worked to hide inside yourself. Somewhere no one could see them. Somewhere you could not see them and pretend you don't know . As silly as it can sound, you often choose to don't look at your stuff. You think you are not strong enough to deal with it. . You settle down for mediocrity. You settle down for boredom. You settle down for frustration . Instead of doing your own work, you probably blame the world outside. . Asking everyone else to be in such a way that makes you feel comfortable so that you don't have to look at the reasons why you get triggered by something. . 𝐆𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠. . 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 "𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠" 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬. 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐬.
𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲. 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲. 𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 . 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐭. .
And it does get better. You can change. Life does become easier and more fulfilling. . ___ . I remember that evening 9 years ago, in Carol's kitchen when mindlessly I asked her to read my chart. . I felt good. I meditated. I did energy healing. I was clever, a little smartass. . Carol most likely made tea and there and then she shone a light and look through me as I have never experienced before. She saw all my secrets, all my scheming, all my excuses, all my fears. And she also saw my real Beauty, buried down there. . She told me what I was doing with my life, how I was wasting my time and gifts trying to control everyone else. My partner didn't behave as I wanted, and despite that, I stayed. My health where I was so high in sugars and stress to have constant migraines, infections, and tummy issues. . My family, from where I run away multiple times. There have been times where we lived under the same roof without talking to each other. Times where I lived somewhere else. And a time where I was literally on the other side of the world, and they didn't know much about what I was up to. . I blamed them that there was no communication, no understanding. . While I was doing the exact same, utterly emotional unaware and immature. . . In that kitchen, with the windows looking out to the luscious garden I was slapped in the face with some self-awareness and self-responsibility. . After that reading, I didn't come out of the room for 3 days. I was in bed with the Mother of all the migraines and a bucket close by. . And when I did come out, I was full of shame. Ready to be judged, ready to be excluded because I wasn't good enough. . 𝑰 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 "𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒐 𝑰 𝒅𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏? 𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝑰 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒇 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑰 𝒅𝒐 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔?" . 𝑯𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 "𝑴𝒂𝒏𝒖, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆. 𝑶𝒏𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕" ____ . There are many breaths in 9 years, and there have been a few more headaches, a few crying episodes and so much more. . If I kept comfortable, in the circle of people that told me how good I was, I would have surely missed out on a lot of things. . 𝐁𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 "𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟" 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬. . I have seen people changing through the work together. I was there when they recognize what a shift they made, and everything clicks. . Families go from never calling each other to having a group chat and updating each other regularly. . Mother and daughters, and fathers and daughters start to talk about emotions and challenging topics without shutting down, without screaming, without being hurt. . Women started to voice their thoughts in contests that scared them before. Because they didn't know how important their ideas are, they didn't know how to express them without looking emotional, or good enough. . People make choices aligned to what they really like and want, even if at the beginning it felt unattainable. . People change their health and have more energy to spend with friends after work, and doing those activities that make them feel alive. . 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬. . All because of the decision to be in charge of their lives. To be responsible for their health, for their wellbeing, willing to look at what wasn't working and willing to change if something needed to change. . . 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐭?