My own journey
I have always been a little different since I was a child. I could see spirits and talk with entities that no others could see. I would have fun with fairies in the forest, and I would get scared at night, feeling “bad energies” in my room or around me.
I grew up like that, in my own bubble, separate from the others. I had friends and a normal life on the surface, as well as a rich, mysterious and fascinating world inside. As a young teen, I started studying meditation and Eastern philosophies, which resonated deeply with me. And I read books on witchery, energy healing, reincarnations, satanism, and so on. The fact that there was someone writing about it, meant that I wasn’t alone, someone saw what I saw and felt what I felt.
For a very long time I felt lonely, because I didn’t have friends like me, so I kept my specialness hidden.
I went on with my life, like everyone else. I tried to fit in, to not stand out too much, to be liked. Very human behaviors. Did it work? Not really, no. I was angry. I was furious. My body was not well.
I think I was 24 when I received the first call. I got so sick that for 3 months I wasn’t able to eat. My body would reject everything. Not pleasant, I tell you. And that was the peak of my “depression”.
It was a messy time. Fights with my family, fights with friends, fights with everything. Just because I didn’t understand that the person I was angriest the most with, was myself. Not my dad. Not my boyfriend. Not society.
I needed myself and I wasn’t there for myself. Simple when it’s on paper. Not that intuitive or self-evident when you grow up focusing on the external world. I must have known better, somewhere deep inside, but I was too disconnected from myself and my inner world.
In retrospect, I know that the last sentence is a lie. I have always been present. I was there, and the connection was as strong in the worst times. Unconsciously I chose to walk the tougher path, not being gentle with myself, choosing anger and frustration which took me down to the bottom, where I finally could decide if I wanted to keep digging or if I was ready to change.
I still do not know how it precisely happened. But I went to Australia, and while cleaning horse stables, I was presented with what would turn out the be the start of my biggest lessons. The lesson was delivered by a woman, a regular woman, with a coupe car and working boots, living alone on a herb garden.
This woman rocked my world, from the beginning of our now-friendship. She showed me each and every one of my lies, of my flaws, of the secrets I wanted to keep hiding under the carpet. And she did it by asking me “why are you doing this to yourself? Why don’t you start loving yourself and choose a nicer path in life?”
Behind the normal appearance, she was the first person I met like myself. Not only she had my same abilities, but she lived by them every single day.
Now many years ago, that is how my therapy (and therapist) journey started. Session over session over session over healing, to understand my unconscious mechanisms. To understand how my thoughts are connected to my body. How sickness would arrive when I felt overwhelmed. For months she coached me to connect the dots. She knew “how I worked” and instead of explaining it to me or preaching, she taught me how to read me.
Those were intense months, even if my external life seemed pretty dull, internally a lot happened. Hidden and protected by the garden, with her presence around me, I took a break from “normal life” to study myself through astrology, past life regressions, readings, healing, essential oils, sound healing. The amount of resources I had available almost felt unreal.
The first few months were a struggle. I really really did not want to change. Quit being angry? Quit being entitled? What would have been left if I took away my armor against the world?
One kick at the time, I started shedding layers and try new ways of thinking. I could try to react with anger, or I could try to react with calmness. And I repeated the choice a few times until I was convinced that calmness felt nicer (did I tell you how stubborn I can be?)
From this moment I have been cruising through lessons, where I just keep repeating the same question “What do I choose?”
During this process, we had to work on my diet, understanding which foods work to enhance my energy and which foods lower my energy, we worked on the relaxation of my body through massages and we worked on my strength while digging the soil. We worked on quieting the mind through healings, and we worked on observing my thoughts, meditating daily from the top of the hill.
The biggest gift Carol gave me is the teaching on how to show up for myself. Enough looking outside, she taught me to be complete and self-reliant in myself
At that time the Healer was born. I have always been a person good with energies, but I didn’t understand the responsibility and the power of that gift.
Left the farm, I went traveling a few years, to explore and integrate these new lessons. The thing I remember the most is the confusion in these months. The integration of new ways of being and thinking is a journey itself.
As confusing as they could be, those are all precious years that allowed me to become the strong woman that I am now. To become a more understanding human, to become a better and a more connected healer.
Healer has a lot of meanings.
The way I am, I help people understanding and shifting the energy in their physical and energetic bodies, to give them the space to look at themselves from a different angle.
I help people release energies and memories that are weighing them down if they are ready to let them go. SO they can have new energy to move forward.
I help people creating the same safe space where they can take a break from everyday life and just connect deeply to themselves. For an hour, or for a day, it doesn’t matter. They will remember that feeling of connection.
I show them their unconscious patterns, and I lie down the map of their thinking process while I mentor them on the journey to understanding and growth.